


Power Trip

by orphan_account



Category: Free!
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst with a Happy Ending, Bad Parenting, Bottom Ryuugazaki Rei, Brainwashing, DEAL WITH IT, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, First Love, High School, Homophobia, I Don't Even Know, I Will Go Down With This Ship, Internal Conflict, Internalized Homophobia, It's Canon and You Know It, Light Angst, M/M, Multi, Other, POV First Person, Porn With Plot, Porn with Feelings, Rei's a Crybaby, Short Chapters, Top Hazuki Nagisa, Unresolved Emotional Tension, Unresolved Romantic Tension, Unresolved Sexual Tension, What Have I Done, hella gay, i am so so sorry
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-08-09
Updated: 2015-08-09
Packaged: 2018-04-13 17:32:13
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 2,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4530831
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rei has been in love with Nagisa for years. He just won't allow himself to realize it. </p><p>Not until Nagisa visits six months after Rei's graduation, and forces him to face the past, and his feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A midst of orange and pink hues

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story, so I apologize in advance. 
> 
> Also, yes, the chapters are very short, but that's because I sit down and write bit by bit. Some chapters will be longer than others, some will not. I could of strung it all together, but decided against it because I think it helped show how fast Nagisa and Rei were moving in their relationship, and it kind of added to the tone of the story. As though, Rei was remembering each memory piece by piece, instead of all at frickin once. 
> 
> Anyways, if you like it-thank you so much. I'm really just a dork who likes writing gay fanfictions, so bear with me and my lameness.
> 
> -SB

Rei Ryuugazaki waited on his porch steps for two things: one, for Nagisa to start making sense, and secondly, for Nagisa to show up.

He had been watching the news and washing the dishes, both daily tasks he did religiously, before his cellphone violently rang from the kitchen counter. He nearly dropped the sponge in surprise since, well, no one really called him. Makoto wrote letters and Haru sent postcards(without leaving any message on the back), and every now and then, Rin and Sousuke would drop by and give Rei training regiments they had picked up during conditioning for swimming competitions in Australia; Rei was under strict orders to give this to Momotaru, who was the new Samezuka swim team captain(to no one’s surprise)and, in return, he could swim in their pool during the cold weather. He saw Kou when he visited the sports store, who sold protein powder so viciously that she was quickly promoted to manager, and had brought Seijuro with her when the former Iwatobi Swim Club met up for dinner two months ago, so Rei had a hunch they might be dating, as well as Ms. Amakata and Mr. Sasabe, who were obviously together, but tried to hide it from everyone(at least Ms. Amakata did). So in the end, there wasn’t really anyone who would contact him that often, outside of work, and he was off for the next few days.

    So not recognizing the number and not sure who was calling him, he cradled the phone against his neck and answered as presentably as possible, “Ryuugazaki Rei.” He muttered, completely focusing on scrubbing the bowl in his hands. He lost his concentration, though,when in response, he heard the light, familiar laughter of the one person who he hadn’t thought it could be.

    “Rei-chan,” The voice said, “You answer the phone like an old businessman.”

    He paused, turning of the water and drying his hands clean. “...Nagisa?” He asked.

He looking out the window, the sun was about to go down. Low in the sky, it sat lazily in the midst of pinks and orange hues. A beautiful day, just how he liked it, and yet, the pain in his chest was too much for him to properly appreciate it.

    “Where are you?”

    “In front of your house. It looks empty, though. Did your family move?”

Rei shook his head, though he knew on some conscious level that Nagisa couldn’t see him, he wanted to explain how everyone had mostly left for vacationing, including Haru and Makoto, but he felt he didn’t have enough time. For some reason, he was in a shock, and could only form murky thoughts.

    “No, they-no. I don’t live there anymore.” Rei said slowly.

    Nagisa clicked his tongue, “So where do you live now?”

Rei glanced around his tidy, but small home in a daze, wondering if telling his location was the most logical thing to do. But before he could make any calculations, he started speaking in spite of himself.

    “I live in a apartment few blocks down, actually. There should be a park nearby, just keep following the signs that lead to the main street. You should be here pretty soon.”

    “Eh?” He could hear how impressed Nagisa was, “Living alone already? Or did you get a girlfriend?”

    “I haven’t. Are...are you seeing anyone?” Rei forced himself to ask, even though he really didn’t want to know the answer.

    “Not really. I wouldn’t call it that.”

    This annoyed Rei, “Then what else would you call it?”

    “I don’t think I should answer that.” Nagisa replied casually.

Rei didn’t like the sound of that, it made him wonder just what Nagisa had been doing, and with who? Had there been someone to replace Rei for all of this time? It made him anxious to think of Nagisa being with someone. He could make out the sounds of cars passing by, had he reached the main street yet? The questions in his mind were driving him crazy.

    “Nagisa.” Rei clenched the phone tightly. “I-”

    “Yeah, I know. I’ll be there. Come out and wait for me.”

And then a click. Rei stared at his phone as the phone line beeped dejectedly, and once again looked out the window. It had started raining. As Rei slid on his shoes and grabbed his umbrella, he thought of calling Makoto or Haru to tell them the news, but then, remembered he didn’t have the right to. Nagisa was no longer his concern, he reminded himself, not since that day. Everyone thought that Nagisa had left because he wanted to travel, or to get away from his family. Haru even said that he believed Nagisa was “just following the waves” as he always did and to not worry too much about it. But Rei knew that the real reason Nagisa left wasn’t out of impulsiveness or to follow anything, he knew that it wasn’t anyone else’s fault but his. ** **  
** **

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you like it, or if you hate it-please let me know.
> 
> A very thin line lies between love and hate, anyways, so maybe I'll get some sick pleasure from it either way.
> 
> That is all.
> 
> -sb


	2. saying "Okay" like it was nothing

 Rei had to watch three of his best friends leave and start their lives without him, and all he could do about it was attend class or swim to keep himself busy. Of course, he saw them, at first. He and Nagisa tried their best to see each other everyday, and would often meet up with with the others to hang out. But that was before Haru went to college for culinary arts in Europe. Only three weeks after Haru left, Makoto transferred to a fire department in the same city to no one's surprise since it was a well-known fact that he couldn't live without Haru. Nagisa soon gave Rei the news that Makoto had finally admit his feelings, asking Haru out, which was apparently accepted in the most blatant way possible by Haru saying "okay" like it was nothing. Rei was happy for them, he listened to Nagisa talk about how he knew Makoto would end up breaking first while he did his calculus homework and didn’t think anything of it. But when Nagisa suddenly went silent, Rei had looked up, just to see Nagisa staring sullenly at the phone screen.

    “What?” Rei asked, worrying that something had gone wrong.

    “Rei-chan.” 

    “Yes?”

    “When have you ever said you love me?”

Rei stared at him, meeting this with complete silence. He knew he should get some words out, or respond, but he couldn’t. He felt like he was choking. Eventually, Nagisa just shook his head, shutting the phone and smiling softly. Rei could see that there had definitively been a sadness in his eyes.

    “I...I’m sorry.” Rei finally managed.

    “It’s fine,” Nagisa murmured, “I wouldn’t want to rush you into anything.”

He sounded sarcastic.

They sat in silence, until Nagisa got another text and uncharacteristically said he had to be home soon. Rei walked him down to the steps, Nagisa said goodbye to Rei’s mother and father as they passed the living room, then put on his shoes at the door. Rei followed him outside, the porch light flickering on as they stepped into the warm night.

    “Sorry.” Rei said again, gripping his math book, he had forgotten to leave it in his room.

    “Don’t worry,” Nagisa laughed, “I’m pretty persistent, I’ll get you to say it soon enough.”

    Rei smirked, playing along, anything to get rid of the awkwardness that had draped itself on their backs earlier, “I would hope you aren’t plotting to stalk me like you did before, because that would be unoriginal.”

    “I’ll be more creative.” Nagisa promised.

They stared at one another.

There was another stretch of silence.

They were waiting.

And then the porch light came off.

Almost instantly, Nagisa pressed Rei against the door, and then, their mouths together. Rei shivered as cool hands slid up his back, lifting his shirt up in the process as they became a hurried tangle of wet lips, tongues, and heat. Biting Nagisa’s lip was a mistake on Rei’s end, because Nagisa soon became rough with his movements, their breaths growing hotter. Slender fingers tangled themselves into blond hair, causing Nagisa to grab Rei’s ass, obviously about to commit more moral crimes when the mathbook slipped from Rei's hands and landed with a solemn _thud_ , causing the porch light to flicker on.

Rei stopped, panting. Nagisa swore under his breath, knowing that their time was up. It was a game they played, they always did whatever they could before the light would alert everyone of their presence, of what they were capable of. They untangled themselves from one another.

Rei was surprised the neighbors hadn’t caught them yet.

**  
  
**


	3. make enough for four, instead of three

For once, Nagisa had invited Rei over. Rei agreed because he was tired of picking up after Nagisa in his own house, the guy was over so much that it had gotten all too common for Rei’s mother to make enough for four, instead of three. Before Rei had came over, he was prepared to meet Nagisa’s parents and sisters, but when he was lead inside, he was met by the absolute silence of an empty house.

    As he followed Nagisa’s short frame up the steps, he asked, “Where is everyone?” 

    “Out.” Was the only thing that was said. He didn’t have much time to dwell on it, though, since Nagisa soon distracted him with a kiss that quickly turned into tongues meeting skin, and then into them taking turns pleasing each other.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes. It is short.
> 
> Yes, I am a psycho.
> 
> I am so, so very sorry.


	4. deeper, darker places

    Rei found himself staring at the Iwatobi mascot necklace Nagisa always wore, then asking, "What are you going to do for college?”

   “I don’t think I want to go to college.” Nagisa replied.

This didn’t surprise Rei and it horrified him that it didn’t. He had always known Nagisa wasn’t on to follow the norms of society, it was quite obvious from how he did things based off of immediate thoughts, instead of logic, but to make such a rash decision was completely ridiculous.

    “Then what do you plan to do?” Rei asked.

The sun was still filtering through the windows, letting him know it was still only in the afternoon and turning Nagisa’s messy blonde hair golden. Rei felt his heart stutter at the sight.

    “I’ll probably wait for you to graduate, and then I want to live together with you.”

This scared Rei as well.

    “You don’t want to live with me,” Rei objected, “I like my things very particular, that’s something you don’t get.” He gestured around the messy room for emphasis.

    Nagisa laughed, sitting up and sleepily fixing those magenta eyes on him. “You know, Rei-chan, most people would be happy to hear their boyfriend is so devoted to them.”

    “I just don’t want you to make a wrong choice.” Rei said quietly, and this was partially the truth. The calculations of how well this would go were not on their side, they both lived in very strict households, it wasn’t likely that would benefit them on their decision. Rei couldn’t explain to his parents why he would be living with his highschool friend, instead of a college dorm, and not only that, but Nagisa didn’t even plan on attending.

    “I won’t.” Nagisa said.

How was he going to tell his parents the truth about them? Rei wasn’t ashamed of Nagisa, he just wasn’t sure how to feel about identifying as a gay(or bisexual?) man. It was confusing for him, and terrifying to think of trusting Nagisa with so many parts of his life. Which was why Rei had let Nagisa do everything, except for take his virginity. That was the last shred of proof that he was still conscious of his decisions, and not only that, but what if he left Rei behind, as the others already had? 

    “What if my parents don’t approve?” Rei asked.

    “Then we won’t tell them.”

    “But they have a right to know...about us, I mean. Your parents do as well.” Rei said, looking away.

    “I already told my parents.” Nagisa said, “Not exactly that it was you, but that I’m into guys, too. I don’t think they really cared, but I was already a disappointment.”

Rei frowned, his mind traveling to deeper, darker places, however, Nagisa kissed him, pulling him from his thoughts. Rei kissed back, his chest tightening when Nagisa lowered body on top of his, spreading his legs apart with his own. He groaned as Nagisa wrapped a hand around their lengths, giving a experimental rub. He let his mind be overtaken by Nagisa as well. With each stroke, he could feel those doubtful thoughts fall away to something pleasurable, to something sweeter. Nagisa’s love was the most influential drug of them all, he told himself there was nothing he could do about it and that he would die without it. He would tell them, as moans spilled from his throat, he would tell them all.

 ****  
  
****


	5. repetitively filled, and then emptied

 Yet, when Rei finally did confess to his parents, naïve and hopeful, he was met with the seriousness of the situation. His parents were in shambles. He experienced two of what he thought to be the worst pains of his life: hearing as the sobs racked through his mother’s body and his father’s fist. He sat on the couch, head in his hands as multiple calls were made to the Hazuki home until finally, someone picked up. From what he heard, it was Nagisa’s sister, who promptly gave the phone to her mother and for an hour after, Rei had to listen to exactly what was being planned for them.

It was decided that there was no longer a place in the Ryuugazaki home for Nagisa, Rei’s brother would pick him up from school and bring him straight home, and finally, no more club activities. Which meant no more days spent swimming, and no more track. If Rei’s father did see Nagisa, he threatened to murder him on the spot. Rei sat, crying, as he watched his mother sit across from him with a bottle of gin in front of her, holding a glass she repetitively filled, and then emptied.

He had to listen to her tell him that he was the worst disappointment in her entire life as his cheek swelled up and then throbbed.

_‘I was already a disappointment.’_

 Rei had not been prepared to understand what those words meant.

 **  
  
** **  
**


	6. fall

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It was fall by the time he saw Nagisa again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


	7. "Itadakimasu."

     Kou visited him during lunch in class. She slid a chair over to his desk, sat down a pink lunch box and began to eat after a brief, “ _Itadakimasu_.”

Rei didn’t say anything, he didn’t even respond, he just stared at his storebought onigiri and plain soy milk. They had been doing this for awhile now, since they were the only original Iwatobi club members left, they agreed to eat together and plan for the club. But ever since the night, Rei simply didn’t speak to her, nor did he show up for the club meetings, not that he could in the first place, since the school had been called and made aware that he was no longer allowed to attend them.

But after Kou finished eating, she packed her things, slid a note over to him under her manicured fingertips, got up and promptly left. Rei simply watched her leave, and then stared down at the note in front of him. Glancing up at the teacher, and then back down, he quickly slid the note into his uniform blazer and then excused himself before going to the bathroom. **  
**


End file.
